Thursday, October 26, 2006

Shame on Me

I've been in a real 'funk'. For a long time. It's been a problem with concentration as well as with attitude. It may be a kind of grieving for my father, for myself -- sometimes I have a real sense of gloom that underlies my senses, my actions, my thoughts. I hate to use the word 'depression' because of connotations that word has for me and because I think there is something wrong with that word -- it gets bandied about a lot and because I wouldn't want anyone to think that I'm 'depressive', which is not what I want to be about.

So perhaps a positive light to put it all in is that I have been very introspective! Out of this introspection has come the awareness that I really am after all these years incorrigably American -- outch. One of the ways my Americanism asserts itself is that I am more naive than pragmatic, more a child or grandchild of the 'enlightenment' that created the ideals that lead to the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. But rather than a 'flag-waver' I am more of a 'constitution/Bill of Rights waver'. Which means at the moment, I am a Democrat!

Since June, when I discovered it, I've become more and more addicted to I make comments sometimes, but so far haven't had the nerve to write a diary. Still, I consider to myself to be a 'kossack', am proud to call myself a 'kossack'. But the downside of the addiction for me has been an inability to consider and develop my own thoughts and express them because there are so many others that do that far better than I do.

Nevertheless, it is important that I go forward with my dialogue because occasionally there is a germ of a new idea that is worth planting. At the moment my life is about politics -- it is concerned with the usurpsion of power and the destruction of the government of the United States law by law, judge by judge, state by state. I worry about the vote count -- yes, I am paranoid. I can not believe that the American people would have been so foolish as to elect the current 'president' twice. In fact I don't believe he was ever elected. I think there was a coup d'etat and -- well, there it is -- crying over spilt milk again!

For a long time thought that I wasn't really very American, that my slant on life was naturally European. But The Daily Kos has shown me that there really an awful lot of fellow countrymen and women who see the world and our relationship to it in a similar way.

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