It’s great to be back again in France for the summer. So much has changed for me in the past year that it’s comforting in a strange way to be here where things are so much the same as they were two years ago! We don’t do very much that is exciting – rather it’s a time for relaxation and renewing our psyche.
I was on my own here for not quite 10 days. As the house is several miles from the nearest town – though only one kilometre from the village of Aynac it meant that I was left to my own devices and at home for all of that time. I admit I could have walked into the village, but I am far too timid when it comes to confronting various animals that tend to go ‘walk-about’ along the route that I would have to take! At any rate, I was very well stocked with food and drink and lived the life a recluse for a time.
It’s interesting to have to please no one but oneself. All my choices were my own – what to eat, when to eat, what to watch on TV, what movies to catch up on – when to get up or nap or lie in the sun. As time went on I became more and more aware of being alone and of my own vulnerability as a lone creature. I didn’t tell anyone and none of my friends here knew until the day before Neil returned, when the ‘outside’ actually came by … And I realized again that other people are important; it is important to have bonds, friendship, loving relationships – people who care.
As I get older, I find myself becoming more and more insular. Some of this is because I am afraid of ‘bothering’ people; that friends and relations, etc. do have their own lives and problems. But I also think maybe I am becoming lazy. Having friends means making an effort and I’m finding that more and more I don’t want to make an effort – I have to talk myself into it. This is not very nice of me really. So, I need to change this tendency of mine – which is a good reason why it’s better for me to leave France after a few months of self-reflection and relaxation and return to Southport and be out and about once again.