Saturday, August 08, 2009

Relaxation and Reflection

It’s great to be back again in France for the summer. So much has changed for me in the past year that it’s comforting in a strange way to be here where things are so much the same as they were two years ago! We don’t do very much that is exciting – rather it’s a time for relaxation and renewing our psyche.

I was on my own here for not quite 10 days. As the house is several miles from the nearest town – though only one kilometre from the village of Aynac it meant that I was left to my own devices and at home for all of that time. I admit I could have walked into the village, but I am far too timid when it comes to confronting various animals that tend to go ‘walk-about’ along the route that I would have to take! At any rate, I was very well stocked with food and drink and lived the life a recluse for a time.

It’s interesting to have to please no one but oneself. All my choices were my own – what to eat, when to eat, what to watch on TV, what movies to catch up on – when to get up or nap or lie in the sun. As time went on I became more and more aware of being alone and of my own vulnerability as a lone creature. I didn’t tell anyone and none of my friends here knew until the day before Neil returned, when the ‘outside’ actually came by … And I realized again that other people are important; it is important to have bonds, friendship, loving relationships – people who care.

As I get older, I find myself becoming more and more insular. Some of this is because I am afraid of ‘bothering’ people; that friends and relations, etc. do have their own lives and problems. But I also think maybe I am becoming lazy. Having friends means making an effort and I’m finding that more and more I don’t want to make an effort – I have to talk myself into it. This is not very nice of me really. So, I need to change this tendency of mine – which is a good reason why it’s better for me to leave France after a few months of self-reflection and relaxation and return to Southport and be out and about once again.

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