Saturday, June 04, 2011

Mom Power

It really does pay off to take pause and review  not only a situation but your own role in it. Enlightenment is definitely not  something you -- and especially 'I' -- attain by throwing some kind of switch! A few days taken stepping back has helped enormously -- not only me, but also my mother.

A few days ago I made a decision not to prod any more -- the tricky part is not to 'dis' courage, but not to actively 'en' courage. To allow her a choice and to follow that choice.

In the morning, I said "Are you going to walk to the pub (for coffee!) or do you want to go in the 'chair'?"

"Oh, I need the chair", she replied weakly ... (My mother went to drama school in New York City -- she is very good ;-) )

"OK", I said, trying to sound even-handed. And into the wheelchair she got.

"Oh, thank you, dear", she said relieved and pleased.

When lunchtime came I asked the same question and received the same reply. Not once did she choose to use her walker. At the end of the day she was asked how the walking was going by my brother and by her reply it seemed as though she did not remember that she had in fact done no walking that day. Dutifully, I let her know -- in a nice way :-)

At the end of the day, I felt a little down in the dumps. But I thought about it a lot and came to several conclusions.
  1.  'Will Power' is a 'self' motivation. She may or may not have enough and that if she does not that is not the end of the world for her. I have helped her to see that it is possible for her to do the things she did before her accident. But my real role here is to be a daughter and not a physical therapist or any other kind of professional.
  2.  She will not have to leave this place and everything that is necessary for her to stay her and live  successfully are in place. If she needs more assistance she is in a position to afford it. I have spoken to all the staff and they are completely on board with her needs and the possibilities and limitations. Most importantly they want what is best for her and they are giving her plenty of time to recover and to make the best possible situation for herself.
  3. My mother has every opportunity, but there are no expectations. I have discovered it is important to let go of expectations! For cryin' out loud she's 92 -- that's almost grown up!!!
  4. I have been with her for just about the right amount of time! We both need to let go. I have my life and Mom most definitely has hers!
Today started off just like my visits before her accident. Her bedroom door opened early in the morning. "I'm going downstairs for some coffee. Do you want me to bring  you back a mocha?" And off she toddled, happy as a Mom! She brought me back a cheese Danish...


  1. A difficult balancing act, Broad, and you seem to have judged it just right. Once you go hom your mom will have to self-motivate or not as she chooses and now she knows that. Well done!

  2. Yes, I suppose we can only encourage and support.

  3. G'day Broad. Well done,you have given your mum the support and the encouragement that she needs and I am sure she will remember it and continue to do well. Take care. Liz..

  4. It’s so nice that you can help your mother like this. My mother had Parkinson Disease for many years. I would fly to Paris twice a year to visit her but after a few days she would get tired and would ask me if I was going somewhere – so I did, go somewhere else like London, or Italy or wherever for just a few days then would go back and stay with her. Even though I live in the US I saw her more often this way. Thanks for coming to my blog and leaving a comment.


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