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Thursday, January 23, 2014

Another Year, Tick-Tock

Happy New Year and all that stuff! I think I've been hibernating -- lazy more like! Every day I think today I will get back to blogging. And then I consider what I have to say and a big 'nothing to write' figures heavily on my psyche.

But it's more a case of being unable to get away from what has really been on my mind, which is 'worry'. It seems that a lot of the bloggers I've been reading have also had the same sorts of thoughts -- all to do with aging, with energy levels, with matters of health and well-being. It's all well and good right now. No major health issues that haven't been more or less sorted so that I'm on an  even keel. But the over-riding sense of the clock ticking is with me all the time. The days seem to rush by and at the end of them there is a sameness that is as gloomy as the weather has been.

I expect it started when visiting my mother last November. We had a lovely visit and we were both very happy to be together again -- but underlying the visit was the fact that my mother is waiting for death. Part of the problem is that most of her life revolved around being a wife and mother. Now the children are gone their own ways and my father died in 2005. She never learned to drive, which was a great disadvantage for her living in the country and so dependent on my father to get her to and fro. Fortunately, by the time he died they had both been living in the retirement home and had got used to being without a car. However, it also meant that she was not used to living her own life. Many lessons to be learned -- at least for me.

In the past few months two couples that I am very fond of have been facing similar problems. In both cases the women do not drive and have relied on their husbands. Now both husbands have had serious health issues and their wives are very distressed about the practicalities of how they could possible manage without their husbands. One actually bullied her husband into getting fit enough to drive because she is very lame and 'taxis cost the earth'!

Ho-hum! Tick-tock, tick-tock...

24 comments:

  1. I've decided that you are only as old as people think you feel so when people ask I say I'm feeling great!

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    1. Trouble is that most of the time I have no idea how old I feel!

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  2. The problem is that in any relationship, people gravitate towards what they do better than the other one, or like doing more. I don't really see any way around this. I do drive but get no pleasure whatever from it, in fact I loathe it. Luckily my husband does too, but if he was like my dad, then I probably wouldn't have learned to drive at all as I'd never have been able to get near the car!

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    1. One of my mother's problems was that Dad tried to teach her -- they had a terrible argument and that was the end of that!

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  3. The march of time continues unabated — meaning we all get older. And have a bit less energy. And other things.

    Glad you made it into the new year. Hope it is a good one for you.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

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    1. It's the relentlessness of that march that can get me down! Fortunately, not for long...

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  4. Driving to me is a bit of a necessary evil, but from where we live, I would be absolutely grounded it I didn't and that would be far worse. Belated Happy New Year from me to you as well.

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    1. I tried to drive here in the UK -- but found it too difficult -- I couldn't cope with gear changing and the traffic is very intimidating. When I'm visiting my mother in northwestern Connecticut, however, the roads are not so busy and all the cars automatic, so away I go!

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  5. Your mother sounds much like mine. I find it helps to ask myself how old I would think I was if I didn't know my birth date and there were no mirrors in my house. I've concluded that I'm forty, not sixty-one.

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    1. That's an interesting way to consider your age! In the head I feel young enough -- but the old bones really let me down!

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  6. I suppose being on my own for the last 40 years made me a planner, with contingencies in the wings. I do remember one big wail I had on being divorced was that I would have to drive myself to the doctor the next time I had a ruptured eardrum.So, I can feel their pain, a little. Planning ahead has a lot of merit.

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    1. The older you get the more essential that planning has to be.

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  7. We all go through times like that. I remember when my dad died, my mother had never written a check, and she took over the finances and found that she liked it! She had always driven, but she never worked outside the home. She was very lonely once all her kids were gone, too. I understand.

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    1. Until last year, my mother did her own finances, as she had throughout her married life. It rather saddened me when it became too much for her.

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  8. My husband can't drive anymore...I can but my eyesight makes me a public peril....so our peon drives us.

    We miss the itintamacy.

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    1. I hadn't thought about the aspect of intimacy -- that time when it was the only the two of you...

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  9. One of the reasons I wanted to live in a city was so that I would not have to drive, and I chose Portland because it has an excellent transit system. Reconciling with age is easy enough to do with planning but I feel for those who remain dependent on their partners.
    Your first paragraph could be my own.

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    1. I find you incredibly courageous to have got it together to up sticks and move body and soul to a whole new location! Fabulous stuff, Rubye!

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  10. My mother was rather cut off when my Father died. She was still fit enough to walk to local places, although her mind had begun to deteriorate so she wouldn't catch a bus.

    Although we are in our late fifties our plan is that when we downsize to move from the small village, where we've lived for over thirty years, to closer to the town where there will be decent bus routes. We both drive but we're thinking ahead...

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    1. We live in the town centre of a town that is neither too big or too small. There is good public transportation and best of all for me, I can easily walk into town. Our house is a little big, but the main problem is that it is a Victorian house and requires quite a lot of able-bodied maintenance -- which my husband is still able to do. But he is now 72 and seems to love keeping things going, but you just never know what is around the corner...

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  11. My dear mother-in-law was sadly widowed in her late 50s, but one positive thing to emerge from that was her sustained independence as she moved into old age. Having had to cope on her own for so long, it only now, with failing memory, that she isn't doing absolutely everything for herself. Her big loss will come if one day she is no longer allowed to drive.

    To have to learn to live on her own in great old age as you mother has had to do can never be easy, or probably even possible. Sorry you're suffering from the winter blues, Broad, and I hope the lengthening days will soon lift your spirits.

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    1. The lengthening days are always a blessed relief -- especially when it noticeable in the January gloom!

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  12. It is at this time of year that I start learning something new. In previous years it has been learning to spin, improving my crochet skills, researching the art of canning and dehydrating food and buying the necessary kit, and this year I am concentrating on my writing. I have to wrestle with seasonal blues, the same as everyone else I think, which can push me down into the dumps as well. Keeping busy seems to help, and not minding that my requirements for sleep seem to increase as well stops me from feeling that I am getting old.
    What I don't want to do is sit around and mope. My mother did a lot of that in her later years, and the image of her sitting in front of the TV, waiting for death, and indeed being cross because she hadn't actually died yet, well.... I don't want to do that. At this time of year it is a fight to stay in good spirits, and just to say that I identify with your winter blues, and hope they go away soon. Vx

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  13. Wow! I am really impressed with your regimen and determination! I have enough trouble just keeping up with what I've already learned to do! You must enjoy a great deal of accomplishment, Vera!

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