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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Ups and Down

Old age is so tricky! My mother has been living here for almost 10 years now and in that time I have seen how the passage of time has affect many of the residents. Both my parents came here -- mostly because of my father's failing health -- he died the following year in 2005.

Until two years ago Mom was still doing her monthly accounts and organizing her medication. It seemed rather sudden that she was no longer able to accomplish these tasks and my two sisters shared the responsibility. And as I look around the dining room I see similar changes in other residents. It is not very uplifting.

Since I have been here Mom has become more and more dependent on my presence and becomes seriously distressed if I leave her for just a few hours -- no matter how many times I explain where I am going and when I will be back. I even told the front desk so that if she called they could reassure her. Unfortunately, there was a personnel change and the information did not get passed on... I returned to a very confused mother and my own feelings of frustration and irritation!

Needless to say,  I am a bit worried about leaving on Saturday.


30 comments:

  1. Been there..worn the t shirt... Bloody worrying eh?

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  2. It's a little like leaving your toddler at day care isn't it? They cry, but a few minutes after you leave they adjust. I'm sure your mother will too. But that doesn't make it any easier to leave, does it?

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    1. Indeed, no. I am fortunate that the staff here really gets involved with the residents and will be paying special attention to her for the days after I leave -- which is very reassuring.

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  3. It must be very hard, Broad. Well, it can never be easy, I suppose. Good luck with it all, and I hope it doesn't take it out of you too much. Remember that if she seems distressed at one moment, then she will probably swing the other way again soon, even without you.

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    1. Thanks, Tom. I am sure she will be fine with my going. And my two sisters are very good with visits and phone calls. And we are all very supportive not only of her nut of each other...

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  4. It's not fun. Maybe part of your worry is handing all the responsibility back to your sisters. Amazingly, everyone we love does what has to be done. Tell mother just to think about you when you're gone, as you will her.

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    1. You are right--especially about the load on my sisters.

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  5. I am so sad for you. It will be hard for both of you, but what else can you do? You cannot stop living your life. My parents both died in their sixties, so I haven't a clue how one deals with this. I'm sorry. :-(

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    1. Thanks, DJan. One just has to deal with things as they come. And Patience is the most important quality!

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  6. This must be so hard for you. Thinking of you. J.

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    1. Thank you, Janice -- your kind thoughts are much appreciated. I hope all is well with you...

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  7. It's such difficult situation, and I'm sure you feel very worried about leaving. My 80 year old mom lives an eight hour drive away and it is a constant worry.

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    1. It is the downside of modern life that the family unit moves away from its centre sometimes to the four corners of the earth...

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  8. Kathie, I can very well imagine that you're worried about leaving your mom. Mine is 85 and lives just two houses down the road ... and yet, I worry about her too. Hope you'll enjoy the rest of your stay and have a safe journey home. Martine

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    1. You are fortunate to be able to regularly keep an eye on her, though that can be challenging, too! My parents had both my grandmothers living with them for a few years ... I am glad to say not at the same time!

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  9. Hello:

    We are so very sorry and completely understand your concern and worry. However, and this may seem very hard, it is really important that you carry on with your own life as far as is reasonably possible. Clearly your mother is in professional hand, and you must rely upon that.

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    1. And very kind and caring hands they are, too. And there are many different solutions to consider for the future.

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  10. Thank you for paying me a visit. I am glad to hear you are enjoying reading my blog. Sorry to hear about your Mum's health - I too am in my early eighties, so I do agree, as someone once said - old age is not for wimps. Keeping one's faculties is the most important thing. Do call in again.

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    1. How lovely to see you here. I do very much enjoy your blog -- as well as many of the comments you have made on other blogs I follow. I so a gree with you on the importance of keeping the faculties in tact. And I am also of the opinion that using a computer and blogging help stimulate those 'little gray cells'.

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  11. So sorry you have this to deal with, Broad. Sometimes mental acuity can diminish very quickly. We're going through the same process with my dear mother-in-law, though her deterioration has been rather slower until recently. The worry never goes away, but at least you know your mom is in a place where she will be very well cared-for.

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    1. I have had a very positive discussion with the Head of Nursing this morning thatbhas left me very hopeful. I have wondered how your mother - in - law has been doing. It's just plain hard...

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  12. A very difficult time for you and your family.
    Thinking of you, especially as you live so far away.
    Your mother will have certainly enjoyed your visit.

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    1. Thank you so much, Gaynor. Although the situation is difficult there is much to feel positive about, including the support I find here...

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  13. Done this, and the pull on my heart strings was severe. But I had to make a choice between my husband trying to manage our smallholding on his own down in SW France, or my mother who was surrounded by friends and family in the UK. She did not need me because she was well looked after, but my husband was on his own. I made the choice. I went back home to France. I don't think she ever quite forgave me, neither did certain members of the family, but I had to do what I thought best. Now she has passed over I still think it was the right thing to do. Hope you are able to resolve the right choice for you. Vx

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    1. I think you made the best decision for you. My mother's mother was very demanding on her only child and my mother felt unable to leave her for long enough to visit me in England. After she died it was only a couple of months before their travels began!

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  14. It is so difficult to be so far away.. I remember it well and a sense of guilt is still with me, even though my mom didn't live as long as yours and understood why I had to leave.

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  15. Dear Broad, this has to be one of the hardest things you've ever done--returning to England when your mom is showing her need of your presence more and more. You must be filled with so many mixed emotions--from sadness to guilt to fear that your mom will get worse suddenly and you won't see her again to joy in the renewed realization of how much you love her.

    My mother died when she was 58 and my father when he was 69. So I've never gone through the experience of watching a parent age. I so hope that you can be not only gracious to your mom during these days but also gracious to yourself. Peace.

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  16. Here's hoping all worked out as well as could be hoped.

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  17. I came back to thank you for your caring comment about our health here. I hope that you are being gracious to yourself, as Dee said above. And it is good you still have family in the US to help and to be with your mom.

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